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It was really helpful reading this article. I have experienced negative reactions, both to me and about me. Matchmakers suggesting unemployed matches and acting as though this is not important. I’m sure there are exceptions, but, for the most part, parents of single women don’t want their daughters to wed unemployed men. The women’s movement has changed certain things, but women aren’t looking to be breadwinners anymore than they are looking to pick up the tab for a man on a date. Also, it’s vain and shallow to attribute being single to being overweight. How nasty. Matchmakers talked this watt… Read more »


What about Jewish men who have never married? How many men are out there wanting, playing mind games with themselves, and many not receiving the support from the community, because most people married feel good about their situation and who cares about the other. Many older single men feel the community pressure not being married with no children. It is the community that should have a robust program in bringing people together to find someone to settle down with and raise a family. Shalom, Gershon.

Jane Doe

The excerpt below, from a Jerusalem Post piece on why so many Jews are intermarrying, sums it up well. I’m almost 40. I was raised “frum” and went to Bais Yaakov, then to a local, secular college. After dating almost hundreds of men primarily in NYC through my 20s and 30s, and facing constant indignities, from matchmakers, married couples, Rabbis, and too many (Orthodox) men. after twenty years I’ve had it, and started going out with non-Jews. I’m certainly still open to the *right* Jew, but I’ve had with the horrors of the “shidduch” market and the downright nightmares of… Read more »

Last edited 2 years ago by Jane Doe

As correct as this article is for those women who are interested in dating, I think it lacks a major, major note: Please ask first!! Unless I have told you so, why should you assume you are doing me a favor in suggesting to me ANYone, never mind that most of the suggestions are bizarre/hurtful!
A simpel question like, “Are you open to suggestions?” can do the world–encourage someone who is interested, and not force someone who is not, to sit through the unasked for “favor” of the well-meaning.


Most matchmakers I know really want to help people. But like any other field, some people are better at their job than others. Find matchmakers who you are comfortable with and stick with them. On the other hand, If a single gets insulted at a match I suggest, I will stop making suggestions because I do not want to seem insensitive and hurt their feelings. So if you want people to keep suggesting possible matches, be polite, thank them for thinking of you, and nicely explain why your suggestion won’t work for you . Don’t assume they can read your… Read more »

Suzanne Korn

The reality is there are far more women than men in the Jewish community. Hence a good number of women will never marry as there simply aren’t enough men for them to marry – let alone those who are suitable. Instead of telling them to “be positive” and assume that their only goal is to be married with children – why not concentrate on what the Jewish community can do to make these women feel wanted? Why not either be truthful and admit they are not wanted or actually do something about it?

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