Queen Begs…and Bam! (Or Vashti’s Lament)
I will not come before the king
I will not come for anything!
Would you, could you in a coach?
His majesty you must approach.
I would not, could not in a coach,
His majesty I won’t approach!
I will not come before the king.
I will not come for anything!
With a tail! With a tail!
Would you, could you with a tail?
I would not, could not with a tail!
Not on a carpet, not in a pail!
I will not come, so please don’t fret,
I will not come on a jumbo jet!
Not on a horse, not in a coach
His majesty I won’t approach
I will not come before the king.
I will not come for anything!
Say! With a crowd!
Would you, could you with a crowd?
I would not, could not with a crowd,
These pimples do not make me proud.
I would not, could not with a tail,
I will not, will not in a pail.
Not in a jet, so please don’t fret
Not in a coach.
I won’t approach.
I will not come before the king.
I will not come for anything!
The Cat in the Hat (or The Sinister Prime Minister)
Bow to me!
Bow to me!
Bow to me now!
It is fun to have fun,
But you have to know how!
With my nose in the air
And my hat on my head,
I will sit on my horse
As I’m being led.
An idol I’ll hang;
They’ll bow to that too.
There’s nothing, no nothing
That I cannot do!
The king’s crown I’ll swing
From my wee little toe,
And the people will cheer
Wherever I go!
With a pen in my hand
I will write a decree
That someday at last
From the Jews I’ll be free.
And look!
With my hammer
I can build gallows so tall,
But that is not all!
Oh no! That is not all…
That is what Haman said.
Then he fell on his head.
He came down with a crash
As he gave his last call,
And the people of Shushan said,
“Oh, what a fall!”
Haman and Sons, Will You Please Go Now?
The time has come.
The time is now.
Haman and sons,
Will you please go now?
You can go by gallows.
You can go by sword.
You can go by poisonous
Buck-buck board.
You can go with a spear
2,000 feet high,
Or hold on to the legs
Of a cockroach-fly.
You can drown yourselves
In hamantash dough.
I don’t care how
Just go, go, go!
Befriend a lion,
Ride on a whale,
Or wrap yourself
In a tiger’s tail.
Slide down Mt. Everest
With backwards skis.
It doesn’t matter how,
Just please go, please!
If you’d like you can
Pose as a bowling pin,
Or jump in a cement truck
And take a spin.
Or go to Madrid
And fight a cow.
HAMAN AND SONS,
WILL YOU PLEASE GO NOW!
I SAID GO, AND GO I MEANT!
The time had come,
And so they went!
Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to high places!
You’re off and away!
You’re ready to start
With your goblet in hand,
You’re glad that you came;
The king’s party is grand!
Up there things can happen
And frequently do,
To people as classy
And snazzy as you.
OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!
You are on your way up!
You’re the best of the best!
And after this party,
You’ll top all the rest!
Except when you don’t.
Because sometimes you won’t.
I’m sorry to say,
But sadly it’s true.
You ought to have listened
To Mordechai the Jew.
He warned you not to go.
He warned you not to eat.
But you snuck out of shul
And beat a hasty retreat.
But back you will go now,
To cry and to pray.
Back you will go now,
For many a day.
Back you will go now,
And viduy you’ll say,
Though the sackcloth does itch
And your legs are like clay.
You’ll cry to Hashem
You’ll beg and you’ll weep
You’ll daven all day
And into your sleep!
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(Always 100% guaranteed!)
Chabibi! Hashem will move mountains for you!
So…
Be your name Goldberg or Cohen
Or Friedman or Schwartz,
Remember to listen
To your chachamim, of course.
Then you’ll be safe from your enemies
And blessed from the Source!
Hop on Top (Until You Plop!)
WISH DISH
I wish for dish.
I wish for dish at Esther’s tish.
SMELL SMELL
What is that smell?
Haman must not be feeling well.
HALF HALF
You must take half.
Esther, my queen,
Oh, please take half.
HALF LAUGH
Don’t make me laugh.
Don’t make me laugh.
I don’t need half!
LIFE WIFE
Please save my life!
Save my life!
I am your wife!
QUEEN GREEN
The queen looks green.
QUEEN MEAN
What does she mean?
MAN MAN
A bad, bad man
MAN PLAN
A bad, bad plan
Stop, bad man!
Stop that plan!
THERE THERE
He’s over there!
THERE FEAR
He’s hunched in fear!
There he’s hunched in fear, my dear.
BANG HANG RANG SANG
The king went bang.
Bang bang bang…
“Haman hang!”
The order rang.
The order rang,
And…The Jews all sang!
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST…
HASHEM MEANT WHAT HE SAID
AND HE SAID WHAT HE MEANT,
AND HASHEM’S ALWAYS FAITHFUL
ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!
© Naomi Wolf 2012