It’s that time of year again: new notebooks, freshly sharpened pencils and the nervous energy that swirls as the first day of school approaches. While some kids count down the days with excitement, others feel a growing sense of worry, and it’s not always easy to know how to help.
If your child is feeling anxious about the new school year, you’re not alone and neither are they. Whether they’re just entering kindergarten or gearing up for high school, transitions can stir up feelings of uncertainty. The good news is that with your support, children can learn to face new beginnings with confidence.
Start with empathy. Begin by letting your child know that it’s okay to feel nervous. Help normalize their emotions with phrases like, “A lot of kids feel this way before school starts,” or “I used to feel that way, too.” Avoid trying to immediately “fix” their feelings, and instead, just listen. Sometimes, just talking about what they’re worried about, whether it’s finding their classroom, making new friends or having a hard teacher, can reduce anxiety by half. Even if you have nothing to add.
Younger kids, especially those in preschool through elementary school, often worry about the unknown. They might not yet have the language to express their fears, so you might see it in their behavior: clinginess, difficulty sleeping or tummy aches.
With younger children, remember that predictability and play are key. For this age group, routines are your best friend. Start practicing the school-day rhythm a few days in advance if you can: consistent bedtimes, morning routines and even pretending to pack lunch or walk to school. The more familiar the experience becomes, the less scary it feels.
No matter your child’s age, they’re looking to you for cues.
Storybooks about school can also help. Reading about characters who feel nervous but end up having a great first day lets children rehearse emotional scenarios in a safe and playful way. You can even pretend to be the teacher, the classmate or the principal. Through imaginative play, children can process their fears while laughing along the way.
Older students may have different stressors. Middle schoolers worry about changing classes, friendships or memorizing locker combinations. High school students might feel pressure about academics, sports or social circles. With older kids, the trick is to strike a balance: offer support but also allow them to take the lead.
When it comes to older children it is all about involvement and control. Involve them in preparing for the year. Let them choose school supplies or organize their schedule. Ask, “What are you most looking forward to?” as well as, “What are you feeling unsure about?” Help them come up with action plans for common stressors. For example, if your teen is nervous about lunch periods, brainstorm together: “If you don’t see a seat available by your close friends, what’s your plan B?”
Encourage older kids to stay connected with friends before the first day, especially if they’re entering a new school or grade. A few familiar faces can make all the difference. And if social dynamics are tricky, remind your child that relationships shift often during the school year. What feels awkward now might feel easy in a few weeks.
No matter your child’s age, they’re looking to you for cues. If you’re projecting calm confidence, they’re more likely to feel secure. That doesn’t mean hiding your own worries, it just means modeling how to manage them. “I’m feeling a little nervous about our new routine too,” you might say, “but I know we’ll figure it out together.”
It’s normal for children to feel a bit anxious at the start of school. But if you see ongoing signs of distress, like persistent physical complaints, major changes in appetite or sleep, or a refusal to go to school, it may be time to check in with your child’s teacher, school counselor or pediatrician.
The start of the school year is a natural point of transition, and transitions, while stressful, also offer incredible opportunities for growth. With your steady support, your child can learn that it’s okay to feel uncertain and that courage doesn’t mean not being afraid; it means facing new things anyway.
Wishing you and your child a smooth, confident start to the year ahead.
Etti Siegel, M.S.Ed., is a seasoned educator with over thirty-five years of teaching and administrative experience. With a Master’s degree in Teaching and Learning/Educational Leadership, she offers practical, research-based guidance drawn from decades of work in the classroom and beyond. She is a respected educational coach and consultant for Catapult Learning, FACTS, and Brienza Academic Advantage, and is widely recognized as a mentor and workshop presenter across the country. In addition to her work in schools, Etti is a frequent contributor to Hamechanech magazine and The Journal for Jewish Day School Leaders, and writes a popular weekly parenting and education column for The Jewish Home. She can be reached at ettisiegel@gmail.com.