While not an official part of Chanukah tradition, gift-giving on the nights of the holiday—sometimes on each of the eight nights—has become an accepted practice in much of the Jewish community.
Buying gifts for one’s friends and family members can be an expensive endeavor, especially if one gives gifts on each night.
How does one express friendship without putting a drain on one’s bank account? What are some commonsense guidelines? How much is too much?
Jewish Action turned to Stacey Zrihen, a recognized authority on the subject of budgeting in the Orthodox community.
Zrihen, a resident of Lawrence in the Five Towns area of Long Island and a certified financial planner, is a veteran guide for frum Jewish families. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business, she is senior financial advisor of the Achiezer Community Resource Center’s Westwood Financial Management Program in Lawrence, and senior director of coaching at the OU’s Living Smarter Jewish, a Jewish financial coaching program. Her overall suggestion: while the oil of the Chanukah miracle lasted eight days, your funds may not.
Here is some of Zrihen’s specific advice:
• Plan ahead. In the pre-holiday months—say, after the Tishrei chagim— make a list of the people for whom you’ll be buying Chanukah gifts, and how much money you’ll have for that task. “Take the time to think something through.”
• Make a budget . . . Figure out realistically how much you can spend for Chanukah this year.
• . . . and stick to it. If you find yourself going over your budget on some gift, cut back somewhere else.
• Prioritize . . . Decide—with your family members, if possible—what gifts and what recipients should top this year’s shopping list; maybe someone who’s had a rough year, or is in particular need of a specific item.
• . . . and personalize. Some people may appreciate some homemade snacks or an arts-and-craft project more than an expensive, store-bought item. Someone else may need a special app for his or her computer or smartphone. Or a coupon for a favorite store.
• Be realistic. If you can’t afford something, don’t buy it. “Don’t go crazy.”
• Shop early. Don’t wait till the week—i.e., “the last minute”—before the holiday begins, when your time is short and your resistance to grabbing the first apparent bargain is weak. In other words, use your common sense and will power.
• Spend your time instead of your money. A few hours in a museum or a park or one-on-one time at an ice cream parlor is probably more memorable and precious than a physical artifact that may be forgotten by next Chanukah. How about a Family Game Night?
• Review what was popular the previous year. See what gifts garnered the most enthusiasm this year and let that guide what you may buy next year.
• Ask the recipients what they would like. “As opposed to guessing.” Surprises are nice, but not always accurate; sometimes it’s better to have an idea of what the recipients would like to receive.
• One size does not fit all. One child may not appreciate what a sibling treasures.
• Chanukah is eight days—your gift-giving doesn’t have to be. Spread the largesse over different days; no one need expect to get something every day. Just spin the dreidel on the off nights.
• Consider “small, thoughtful” gifts. Maybe an album of family photos. Not expensive, but sentimentally priceless.
• And remember, there’s always next year. If you can’t get every gift you want for every recipient in 5785, you can put those gifts and those people atop your 5786 shopping list.
Steve Lipman is a frequent contributor to Jewish Action.
Jewish Action’s associate digital editor, Rachelly Eisenberger, had a chance to sit down with Stacey Zrihen to discuss an affordable approach to Chanukah:
Rachelly Eisenberger: What are the most common financial challenges that families face during the Chanukah season?
Stacey Zrihen: The biggest issue with a seasonal expense such as Chanukah is that it’s not part of the regular budget. You’re used to spending a certain amount each month on rent, mortgage, utilities, tuition or food. But this is something that is not a regular recurring event.
RE: How do social pressures like hosting elaborate parties or buying expensive gifts impact people’s budgeting decisions for Chanukah?
SZ: Here is one of the cases where social media plays a tremendous role. People want to do the same thing that they see their friends and neighbors doing.
Maybe an influencer is doing something that she doesn’t always do, but she doesn’t necessarily properly translate that to how it fits into her own budget. People post wonderful things, and if people have the means to do them, that’s fantastic. But if somebody doesn’t have the means, he or she needs to be careful not to fall into the trap of setting the bar at the same level as somebody else. Her budget may look different, and, therefore, her gift giving should look a little bit different.
RE: How should one balance the spiritual aspects of Chanukah with the financial pressures of making the yom tov?
SZ: We get so lost in the idea of gift giving and in the expenses that we’ve externally added on to the chag that we lose a little bit of the meaning of what the spiritual high of this time is supposed to look like. This is where people really need to introspect and reflect on what’s important when it comes to a holiday.
And so, if our focus on Chanukah is on being together, singing together, lighting the menorah together, and just having fun family time together, that makes for a magnificent holiday. And if that’s your focus, there doesn’t really have to be a huge cost associated with Chanukah.
Of course, there are practical ways to keep costs down. One idea is Mystery Maccabee. This type of gift giving allows everybody to give thoughtfully by focusing on one person and really thinking about him or her. We do this in our family, and it’s great. It’’ cost saving and it’s really time saving. Who has time to start shopping for eight different gifts or for each person involved?
There’s a healthy balance to spending money. And everybody has to find what that balance is for them.